plagues are not good food

I would like to state up front, that I did *not* buy this.   Stina bought it for me.   That being said, if I had seen it, I probably would have bought it. How could anyone resist the "Passover Bag of Plagues?"

The information bursts on the package tell me that this package is "fun and educational", and an "Ideal Passover Game!"   If you look closer, you see that these plagues are not all fun and games, as they are also a choking hazard and non-food items that should not be ingested (duh). (By the way, if you want to see what the whole, interesting package looks like, click here.)

According to any Bible stolen from any motel, (except motels in Utah) there were ten horrible plagues that befell (heh, I wrote "befell") the Egyptians because they wouldn't let Moses' people leave and get lost in the desert for forty years.   Admittedly, I am not a very religious person.   When I got this, we didn't look at the answers and instead tried to figure out what plague each item was for.   This went horribly wrong.   Without further ado, the plague bag.

Plague 1: The plague of Red Disappearing Ink

The explanation in the bag is that the Red Disappearing in signifies Blood.   The description of the plague is "All the waters of the land turned to blood."   I have absolutely no recollection of this plague.

What I do remember is that wine signified blood at the Last Supper.   Perhaps the manufacturer of this product should've included a Zima in the bag instead.

I reject this plague, and its icon.

Plague 2: The plague of Jumping Frog

I remembered this plague, and I accept its icon.   When you push on the handley-thing, the frog hops...pretty cool.   Fun Fact: this plague was also visited on the film, "Magnolia."

Plague 3: The plague of Small Black Bug

The third plague was that dust turned to lice and covered everyone.   Is dust the same thing as sand?   If so, that probably woulda sucked for the Egyptians.   I watch TLC and understand that there is a fair amount of sand in Egypt.

Unfortunately, I reject this icon as well.   It looks more like a beetle, and as far as I know there was never a plague of Volkswagens visited upon the Egyptians.

Plague 4: The plague of animal mask

This mask is supposed to remind us of the plague of wild beasts that came into Egyptian homes.   I reckon, this was kinda like Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom without Marlon Perkins.   I reject this toy.   The mask was too small (like it was made for a kid!) and didn't remind me at all of Wild Kingdom.   It reminded me more of these strange German films that I saw a couple of years ago.   But that's another story...

Plague 5: Cow

There is usually, one standout item in any toy set.   This is it.   Before I continue, roll your mouse over the picture above to see the fun action that this plague has.   I really could do that for hours.

I don't really think that there's anything more that I can say about this one.   It totally rocks!   C'mon man, there are bulging eyes and everything.

Plague 6: Green Sticky Hand

I remember this plague.   To make boils fun for kids would probably stop most religious toy manufacturers in their track.   Not so for Judiaca Limited.   They have decided that one of those sticky hands would be fun.   For authenticity, there are three white bumps on the palm of the hand.   Hrm...I am kind of torn on this one.   On one hand (heh), you have to give them credit for coming up with this, but on the other hand (heh again) it's really a stretch (heh yet again... wow, sometimes I can crack myself up!).   Okay, done laughing, and I decided that this one is rejected.   Thumbs down (heh).

Plague 7: White Styrofoam Balls

I don't remember this being a plague, but I am a bit of a hail expert.   You see, a couple of weeks ago God decided that Dallas needed a little plague action and decided that hail would be the best option for this.   So we had a pretty nasty hail storm, and my car has more pocks than Edward James Olmos' face.   I have to reject this, because styrofoam is not a toy.   It wasn't a toy when I got that big styrofoam glider when I was a kid (an aside... the repair kit was a roll of scotch tape... really), and it's not a toy now.   Besides, still having bad dreams about the hail... this "toy" version isn't really going to help my therapy bills.

Plague 8: Large Green Locust

Apparently when I was playing with the set, and before I took the pictures, there was a mishap with the locust.   So, I went to google images, searched for "no photo available" and got this gem instead.   I know that I can't back this up with photographic proof, but the plastic bug looked nothing like a locust.   It looked more like a praying mantis.   I will let this one pass though, since I lost it and kinda feel bad.

Plague 9: Black Glasses

The sunglasses are supposed to represent the plague where "the entire land was enveloped in darkness."   In California they call that a rolling black out.   The shades are really small and don't work well with my face shape.   Also, they are called sunglasses.   Light is the opposite of darkness, so it really doesn't make all that much sense to me.   Rejected.

Plague 10: Puzzle

Finally we have reached the tenth plague.   I feel like I have been writing this for a couple of days!

The tenth plague was the deal-breaker (biblically-speaking).   The angel of death swooped down and killed the first-born son of the Egyptians.   This sounds pretty harsh, but apparently it worked, and the twelve tribes of Israel were allowed to leave.   Well, yeah... a trick like selective mass-genocide would make anybody stand down.

This famous plague is represented by a puzzle of a narcoleptic Egyptian.   This is the penultimate plague, and the fine folks at Judaica Express decide to memorialize it with a puzzle?   I refuse this one most of all, scarecrow.   This was a great plague, and the puzzle doesn't really do it for me.

Maybe they could've included an "Angel of Death" kit, and had the kids do their own dirty work to their older brother.   Don't get offended, I'm just brainstorming here.

In summary, out of ten plagues, only three made good toys.   But don't get me wrong, if you ever see this set in the grocery store (probably on clearance right now!) definitely buy it.   I don't think that I would ever let a kid play with it, but I have already received hours of enjoyment and warm, fuzzy feelings from the "Bag of Plagues."

-Bonez