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My new favorite stupida commercial (with video goodness)

by Matty filed under stupida on December 5, 2005 05:34 PM

I have found another commercial that I enjoy. I'll be honest, I've watched this one at least 15 times and I still find new layers of sublety and subtext. This commercial has everything: skeet shooting, cowboy lamps, and 80's power ballad hair.

You can't resist. Why try?

Take a look at the commercial below. That may be all you need. The commercial does all of the heavy lifting on this one, so you may not need to read my witty retorts.

Do you really need my comments on this one? All right, here we go.

Did I mention I really like the lamp?

(Mid shot of a couple sitting on a couch holding hands. The room is a wood-grained suburban rumpus room, replete with an awesome cowboy lamp)

It really saved our marriage.

We couldn't find a single activity we liked to do together

Really? You couldn’t' think of even one activity? Not even collecting kitschy lamps? I'll be honest… the real star of this commercial is that lamp. It's just beautiful.



He's so into his skeet shooting.

(action shot) Pull!

Wow… that's a fantastic skeet-shootin' hat if I ever seen one. Though, let's be honest, if you're doing this in your suburban back yard, it's more like neighbor-shooting, and less like skeet shooting.

Frankie says, "relax"

(The yoga room has a lovely view of the beach--- Oh wait…I was fooled… it's just wallpaper. )

(new age chimes) And I love my yoga.

Again, a fantastic location shot, that takes us out of the commercial, to the relaxing yoga room, to look at blonde girl midriff. Eternal questions in this shot include: Why is there a lamp growing out of the palm tree, and why doesn't this girl have a belly button?

At this point, we are almost 20 seconds into the commercial. What the hell are they trying to sell me? What is this product X, where the key demographic is couples with cowboy fetishes who enjoy yoga and skeet shooting?


I mean, Dungeons and Dragons always sounded like so much fun, but with that 20-sided die? I thought, 'oh, brother."

Ahh… product X has something to do with D&D. There's so much wrong with this statement. If you think that D&D sounds like fun, there's obviously something very wrong with you. The 20-sided die is what threw you? Really?

And all those manuals…

But that's where the book comes in.

So, you didn't like the manuals, so you're going to buy a book? Oh, it seems that you were stymied at the old logical thinkin' pass there, cowgirl.

I'm getting sick of both of you. I hope that a new character is introduced soon in this epic commercial. Maybe an expert DnD player? No—wait… if they used one of those, then they wouldn't sell any books. How about a Xena Warrior Princess knockoff with power ballad hair.

(Scene changes to warrior princess. Art composites provided by Mrs. Watkin's 3rd grade advanced art class.)

Xena's lawyers would like a word with you, ma'am

Have you ever wanted to play Dungeons and Dragons, but were too intimidated to try?

No. thanks. But while I've got you here WPwPBH, I just wanted to make a generally snarky comment about your warrior ugg boots and your boyfriend Alley oop. I'm done now, so, please continue.

You are not alone.

Yes, actually you are. That's why you're watching G4 late at night---oh, dang, perhaps I share too much. But don't fear, overweight guy who still lives at home, you can have a thriving social life, just by playing D&D.

D &D is a hugely popular pastime that lets you ride your imagination into a mythical world full of beasts and sorcery. But many people think that D&D is too complicated –not to worry, friends.

Who thinks it's too hard? I don't understand! And hands down, those are some of the worst drawn unicorns I've ever seen. And believe you me, I've seen some pretty bad unicorns. But, I suppose, contracting out to third graders for the artwork… you get what you pay for.

D&D for Dummies makes it fun and easy, giving you all you need to play, including ready-made characters and maps.


D and D for Dummies hooked it up. It gave me the confidence I needed to begin my journey, from first level barbarian to epic-level dungeon master.

And it gave us something fun and creative – that we can do together

(Besides the one thing in the back of the Volkswagen)

Ha ha, that too.


This is my new favorite commercial. True, I don't get out much, but darnit, this commercial is fantastic. Someone with vision, insight and a sweet looking cowboy lamp had a dream and made it a reality.

In a pathetic attempt to deflect a cease and desist letter, I should also mention that the book in the commercial, actually has had positive reviews, and if you collect lamps, and shoot skeet in your backyard, I highly suggest that you go out and buy this book.

It's true, my old favorite commercial has been shunned for this new goodness. Go mock it and make it feel inadequate here.

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Hi, this blog has been upgraded, but I'm leaving the old pages online until the search engines catch up. If you want to join the discussion, this may be the page you're looking for on the new site.

Posted by: Rachel on December 5, 2005 09:16 PM

This can not be a real commercial. I refuse to think there is this much wrong with the world. Please give me faith in humanity and tell me this is some kind of Internet joke. Please.

Posted by: J on December 6, 2005 08:49 AM

I could think of my own role playing game for her... Wouldn't involve a 20 sided die.

"Hooked it up" - ridiculous...


Posted by: Pamelalala on December 11, 2005 12:33 PM

Personally I think this book is a great idea. And I lover her breasts of steel.

Posted by: VaxGirl on December 20, 2005 12:48 PM

I may be wrong, but I think Janice once got gonhorrea from a tractor on "Seinfeld"...

Posted by: Joey Bananas on February 6, 2007 01:42 PM

Y'know, maybe I need this book, since I have no idea what a first-level ball-barian is... (consults his old-school THAC0 charts..)

And is that regulation skeet-wear?

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